IV LOL
by TheMoonclaw
Summary: Another LOL story! A funny take on some random scenes from the game. Rated to be on the safe side.
1. Important information!

**Because yes, I need to write more stories, including those of the LOL variety...**

**For those of you who haven't read my other fics entitled 'LOL' (Zelda and FF XII), this will be a collection of jokes from the game. This is what happens when my brother and I play video games together.**

**No, it's not meant to be taken seriously, so don't read if you have no sense of humor. Also no, these won't be in order.**

**Now, onward to fic! (And no, I don't own anything seen in this story. But that's a secret, so don't tell anyone...)**

* * *

Kaipo, the oasis in the middle of the desert, was a sight for sore eyes and just what Cecil had needed to find. After all, the little girl from Mist hadn't woken up and he didn't want to run into any monsters while carrying her around. She clearly needed to rest, so an inn was exactly what they needed.

Cecil stopped someone on the street, "I'm traveling and I need-"

"Anna ran off with a bard!" she informed him.

Cecil was confused, "Who the heck is Anna?"

The person had already gone on their way, leaving him confused before he turned to the next person, "Hey, can you tell me-"

"You can only get a SandRuby from an antilion!" he said cheerfully as he walked by.

Cecil glared at him, "Great, if I ever need a SandRuby…"

The next person didn't even look at him as she recited, "There's an underground waterway but it's blocked by a monster right now."

"I don't care about a waterway or a SandRuby or some chick named Anna," Cecil fumed aloud, "I just want to know where the inn is!"

He grumbled as he stomped further into the city, "Is it so hard to answer peoples questions around here?"

* * *

**Author's Note: My brother and I always have a joke when playing an RPG that we say out loud, as if the character is asking, something simple like "Where's the inn" and then we talk to someone and their answer is, of course, inane and not relevent. And while all games do this, THIS game, in THIS town, seemed worse.**

**Seriously, they talk about Anna like your supposed to know who the heck she is already...**


	2. Whacky-whacky

**Because I always start you off with two chapters...**

* * *

Cecil watched Kain club one of the monsters to death and frowned, wondering if he should say anything or not.

But his friend noticed the look on his face and shrugged, "What?"

"Well, I don't know how to put this, but…you use a lance, or a spear, or a javelin, or whatever you want to call it. Your supposed to…well, jab with it. The end is sharp. Less…whaky-whaky, more stabby-stabby." Cecil explained.

Kain glared at him, "I don't tell you how to do your job,"

"I'm just trying to be helpful!" Cecil argued.

Kain scowled at him but then jumped and left his friend to roll his eyes.

"He always does that to avoid conversations…"

* * *

**Author's Note: Trust me. This fic will be 90% making fun of Kain.**

**And the way his battle sprite attacks just cracks me up. It's like he's using a club...**


	3. Item drop

The monster that had died left behind a treasure.

Cecil picked it up in confusion.

"And I'm supposed to do what with this?" he asked aloud, turning the Charm harp over in his hands. "Mister spoony bard isn't with us anymore."

He shrugged and forcibly shoved it into Edge's hands, who gave him a funny look.

"Why are you handing it to me?" he asked, annoyed.

Cecil just stared at him, "Can't you throw it?"

"I can't throw _everything_! I've told you that." he explained, exasperated.

* * *

**Author's Note: True story. My brother is in the Tower of Babil (Babel...Bab-Il...whatever...) and this monster drops a Charm Harp.**

**...Thanks? **

**Also, I can't remember at the moment if I told everyone that these wouldn't be in order and that they are based off the old SNES version of this game (You now, when it was numbered as II)**


	4. Time

Cecil was busy stuffing items into a bag for their next trip and called, "Hey Kain, what time is it?"

"Three o'clock." he replied.

Cecil frowned, "You didn't even look at the clock,"

Kain shrugged, "It's always three o'clock. Haven't you noticed that? The clocks don't actually work."

He paused to think about it and watched the clock for a moment, realizing that his friend was right. The hands didn't move.

"That's why it seems like everything important happens at three o'clock!" Cecil exclaimed, surprised.

* * *

**My brother pointed out to me this play-through that the clocks don't move. They always say it's three. Ergo, everything important in the game happens at three!**


	5. Lit-3

The floating yellow eyeball in front of them was proving to be stronger then they had thought, and Cecil was waiting to see the familiar strike of lightning that would finish it off.

He'd heard Rydia stop chanting a few seconds ago, but nothing had hit it yet.

Sparing a glance at the caller, he shook his head slightly, "Rydia, the lightning?"

She seemed sheepish, "Oh, um…sorry, I cast it."

"I didn't see it hit anything." he informed her, confused, as Edge finished off the floating monster.

"It hit _something_," Rydia said, smiling hesitantly.

Before he could question her further, a form fell from the air and crashed into the ground. Upon closer inspection, the heap of armor turned out to be Kain.

Rosa gasped, hands falling to her mouth, "Oh my God!"

Edge started cracking up and Cecil sighed, leveling a stern gaze at the caller, "Rydia!"

"It was an accident!" she insisted innocently, hands clasp in front of her, "I didn't think it would take him so long to come back down!"

Cecil was unconvinced, "Was it _really_ an accident?"

"Yes," she said, frowning, "This time it was."

Rose sighed and looked at each of them in turn, "Let's be clear; after I wake him up, the monster did that, okay? You know how whiney he gets when he feels like we're being unfair to him."

"_You_ let him back in this time," Cecil reminded her over his shoulder as he turned to walk away.

* * *

**I may have had my brother laughing so hard that he had to pause the game with this one. I totally acted out the scene above during a battle. Because, he had Rydia cast a thunder spell while Kain was in the air and I thought, 'hey, wait, lightning strikes the tallest object...'**

**Besides, we really like to make fun of Kain...**


	6. Croak my dears!

They rounded a corner in the blue toned cavern and walked straight into a toad lady.

"Croak my dears!" the woman crooned, waving her staff in the air.

Everyone groaned.

"Damn toad lady!" Edge complained.

Rydia pointed, "And look, _six_ toads for even more toad-fighting action!"

"Rydia, Leviathan _us_." Cecil commented, wanting to stab himself and end the torture.

As always, Cecil tried to keep track of who was turning into toads and who was coming back, but he lost track after half of the woman's toad army had cast their annoying magic.

Rosa had long ago given up trying to heal anyone effected by the toad spell, as the little frogs would usually un-do their very magic next turn.

Toad-Kain jumped to his right, and Cecil made a face.

"Hey, did he just…jump?" Edge asked.

"Well, he _is_ a toad." Cecil replied sarcastically.

"Croak my dears!"

Rosa sighed, "Kill me now."

Kain landed just in time to be un-toaded and he scowled, "I quit."

"You can't quit," Cecil complained at him, shooting a quick glare before he became a toad.

He looked around and noticed that everyone had became a toad by the time the round was over.

He groaned.

* * *

**My brother and I MAY have had way too much fun with the toad ladies...as annoying as they are. There were lots of laughs going around, and all the above happened to be things we jokingly said during the battles.**

**Also, getting toad-Kain to jump is tricky, but not impossible. You have to trigger the "Jump" command BEFORE he gets turned into a toad and then the game doesn't know what to do and so has him jump, regardless of the fact that the toads aren't supposed to be able too.**


	7. Payback

"Palom! Porom!" the Elder of Mysidia called, drawing a pattering of footsteps. Cecil glanced over his shoulder and saw two kids dressed in garish stripes and bold colors.

They nearly tripped over each other to line up in front of the Elder, who gestured to each of them in turn.

"This is Palom, a black mage, and this is Porom, a white mage. Do not let their appearance fool you, they may be of help."

"Hey, I'm the great Palom!"

"Shut up, Palom!"

"You shut up Porom!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"You're stupid!"

"No, you're stupid!"

They started punching each other in the arm as they bickered.

"This is payback, isn't it?" Cecil asked over their ruckus.

The Elder grinned and rubbed his hands together, "Oh yes, and it is sweet."

* * *

**I said that to my brother last play through. "This is payback. THAT'S why the Elder sends them!"**

**Because really? "Oh yes, person we don't like, trust, and who we think is evil. Here. Take some KIDS with you on a dangerous quest to climb a mountain swarming with zombies."**

**Cool. Thanks Elder...said no one, ever.**


	8. Teamwork

**For Mythweaver :)**

* * *

The elemental archfiends were clearly a force to be reckoned with, and even though they had all been defeated before, they were no easy marks to take out the second time.

Still, as they dissipated into wisps of magic, Cecil couldn't help but frown and speak up on something that had been bothering him.

"Why didn't you guys attack us all at once?"

They just stared at him blankly, so he elaborated. "I mean, you all appeared together, so you could have rushed us, overpowered us as a group."

They exchanged a couple of glances and then Rubicante smacked a hand to his forehead, "We totally should have done that!"

"Well, why ever you didn't, I'm glad. It would have been a pain…" Cecil muttered as they faded away.

* * *

**Seriously. Why do the archfiends attack you ONE. AT. A. TIME. They show up to taunt you as a unit, and then just come at you one at a time. And why didn't they just rush your party and knock them off the catwalk?**

**Granted, it would be an awful battle if they DID attack as a group, but still. What's the reason they don't?**

**Also, my brother did the above in-game when playing. (he does voices, even.)**


	9. I-CPU

**Also for Mythweaver :)**

* * *

"Intruders. Intruders. Intruders."

A giant orb of pitch black floated towards them down the hall. There was a chorus of grumbles, sighs, and groans from the heroes as they watched it, and two others, approach.

After just fighting the archfiends another enemy was not welcomed.

Rydia threw her hands up in exasperation, "Screw it. I'm summoning Bahamut."

No one complained.

* * *

**I know Bahamut really isn't helpful in that battle, because of the nodes and such, but truly. After fighting the archfiends AGAIN, I'd think everyone would be fed up and RAGE QUIT. And I view Bahamut as the ultimate rage quit. It's used when Rydia is supremely annoyed. (At least, that's what my brother says...)**

**Besides, Bahamut is a giant dragon. How come we didn't just summon him to like, Megaflare the Giant from the outside...?**


	10. Friendship

"In your face floating ball of flaming….dark….stuff," Cecil announced, pointing at Zeromus, "We have friendship, and friendship tops everything!"

The essence flickered, "No!" he cried, "Not campy anime friendship!"

Cecil laughed, "Oh yes, _friendship_!"

"Well, take Big Bang!"

"Doesn't matter, friendship trumps all your attacks. You might as well give up!"

Rosa tapped his shoulder and gestured to the crystal in his hand, "Are we supposed to use that?"

"I have no idea." Cecil said with a shrug.

Rydia looked puzzled, "_How_ are we supposed to use it?"

"Let's throw it at him," Cecil replied, chucking the object at the monster.

Edge frowned, "We seem to solve a lot of our problems by throwing stuff at other stuff."

"Eh, whatever works." Cecil explained, "And look, a pretty light show. I'd say it's working along with our friendship."

Zeromus screeched, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

**I heard that today is international friendship day...how could I resist posting THIS in reply?**

**My brother and I have so many jokes about friendship...in fact, when playing video games I always look at him and say "It's about time for the generic friendship scene" and he always groans, "Your right."**

**Because, you know, friendship is the best thing ever. Fact.**


	11. Hording

They were surrounded by monsters, and although the creatures were no match for them, they still posed a slightly threat due to sheer number.  
"Hey, can I throw this?" Edge asked, gesturing to a random sword that was in their bag of goodies.

"No!" Cecil cried, "I need that!"

Rosa frowned, "You haven't used that since before the Underground. Why do we need it?"

"I'm trying to make that throne from Game of Thrones." Cecil explained, "I need a _lot _of swords,"

Edge rolled his eyes and Rosa frowned, "You are not putting that in the castle,"

"I am too. It would look awesome!"

She sighed and Cecil grabbed the sword back, "So no, you can't throw it. You can't throw any of it."

"What about the shurikens? Those are mine, actually." Edge asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"I'm pretty sure we should save those," Cecil said, pulling the bag further out of reach.

"For?" Edge prompted.

"For…things…later." he replied with a shrug.

He rolled his eyes and Rosa shook her head, "This is like you hording the cures all over again…"

"We need those for later too." Cecil explained defensively.

* * *

**Author's notes: My brother is a horder. He saves all his items throughout games to the point where his bag gets full. In a boss battle? "Hey, use an elixir!" His reply, "No, I might need it later!" (He has 40 in his inventory...) he also saves weapons...all of them. Forever. Why? He might need those too.**

**The best was on one playthrough of IV when he refuses to use healing items on the final battle with Zeromus because "He might need them later" and I looked at him and said, "This is the final battle. WHEN later?"**


	12. Deal, or no deal

It took way too long to angle the airships alongside one another properly, and even once they were hovering evenly with a large gap between them, the rush of wind caused by the propellers and their height was deafening. They'd rigged a bridge of sorts between the ships to keep them steady, but it looks anything but safe.

Kain said something but being so far away under these conditions made it impossible to hear him.

Cecil threw up his hands to let his former friend know he had no idea what he'd just said.

Kain repeated something.

"What?" Cecil called, straining to hear over the wind.

Even at this distance, he saw Kain kind of huff in annoyance and heard him call something back.

Cecil held up his hands and shouted back, "I have no idea what you just said! Bristle call?!"

"No!"

"Well, I can't hear you with all this wind!"

Kain pointed to the bridge.

"I'm not _that_ stupid! I'll walk out there and you'll just cut the bridge and let me fall!" Cecil argued, frowning at him. "You walk out first!"

"What?!"

Cecil sighed and pointed at the bridge.

Kain shook his head and mimed, poorly, him falling.

He pointed at Cecil, who shook his head and pointed back, then to the bridge.

Cid muttered under his breath.

Cecil sighed and rolled his eyes once Kain refused to move again. "This could take a while…maybe I can make some sort of sign to communicate…"

* * *

**Of course, in-game Cecil IS stupid enough to step out onto the bridge...I always call out "It's a trap!" because I can't help it...**

**But seriously, not even to mention the whacky physics of lining up the airships and making them hover in mid-air, but the wind at their height with the airship noise...there's no WAY they could hear each other. And it's not like Kain can text Cecil "1 cysl 4 Rosa" or anything...**


End file.
